Waking Up to Love

I think about love a lot, not just the romantic kind but in general. The intricacies of my closest relationships are very similar in that, in general, those closest to me are my “ride or die” crew. Family and friends who beyond a shadow of a doubt have my back, especially my sister and C’Dub, deserve my best efforts of love. Yet I realize, at times, I fall short.

Even though I took it for granted, my parent's love was undeniably unconditional. A concept I found hard to grasp until I realized the same is true of the way I feel about my niece. Not that she can’t do any wrong, but that I will always love her despite any things that may try to taint our relationship.

I’ve often been told that I won't understand a mother's love until I am one, but that's some bull. If you have a loving nature it's not that much of a stretch to believe the same emotions, nurturing and caring can be present in other relationships. C’Dub and I had a conversation about how amazing it is that we’ve loved our nieces beyond measure from the womb, while other love may take years to blossom. Any notion that it requires giving birth to have a special connection falls on deaf ears on this end.

Over the years I lost a willingness to be vulnerable to other's thoughts of and feelings for me, which shortchanged both me and others. It didn’t matter whether positive or negative, actively avoiding these things wore me down. Whether it was due to mistrust or insecurity is not important at this stage of the game, but the thought that I can love despite some of the less pleasant aspects of relationships (i.e., misunderstandings, etc.) enhances my life rather than act as a burden. It takes a great deal of work though.

I also realize that I’ve often "loved" with the expectation of reciprocation. Stinginess directed toward those we genuinely care for dilutes the intention of the act so we can't be surprised when it's not reciprocated. Also, we often expect things from others that we are not willing to do ourselves. The “no deposit, no return” cliché is never an easy thing to admit or experience, but is something that has to be recognized and dealt with to avoid some of the trivial stuff that pops up in various relationships.

Love  is not meant to bring you pain, make you regret or feel used (sidenote: it is imperative to teach our girls this!). When we feel this way it’s a 20’ x 20’ red flag that something is not right, so don’t overlook the obvious. I encourage you to always love yourself first, as this is the key ingredient to loving others for who they are. In a world that suffers from a myriad of social ills, be the person who brings positive moments to the lives of others.