How Do You Define Exclusivity

Does been exclusive mean discontinuing established platonic relationships? Is it wise to cut others out of your world to pour time, energy and focus into one person? Or is it a recipe for failure? Have you ever taken this route only to discover your platonic friends provided you with a more fulfilling connection than your new significant other? Hmmm....
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...:: Monday Moxie ~ Finding Freedom In Loving ::...

A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself - to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart.

~ Leo Buscaglia

Why Can't We Be More Than Friends?

Trey Songz - Can't Be Friends
Thanks to PinBoard!

Talk about a lyrical portrayal of many a failed love story. Seems there is no definite reason why transforming a friendship to an intimate level often winds up being intense and short-lived. A once cherished, admirable connection crumbles leaving one or both wishing it never happened. Life goes on, hearts heal and emotions cool down, but the residual confusion and disappointment remain. 

 

I've experienced the "why not proceed?" stage with a couple of friends and decided it best to maintain our friendship rather than ruin a lifelong connection. This isn't a sly way to reject someone, nothing could be further from the truth. Honestly, this happened when I knew the  affection and attraction I felt was strong and any speed bump would make me immediately retreat. I've pondered whether it's an excuse, protection mechanism, etc. but simply concluded it's just the opposite, to maintain a connection of importance to me. I tend to think women feel this way more often than men when mutual admiration is involved, perhaps they just conceal it better.

I'm not opposed to it because things work out when they're meant to be. Over the years I've gained a better grasp of what I need and want relationship-wise, not to mention what I'm willing to risk to obtain the reward, resulting in a source of clarity rather than a burden.

No doubt there are a myriad of reasons to leave a good, non-physical connection just the way it is, but have you ever taken the plunge to see what would result? Was it a positive experience (even it didn't last)? Would you do it again?

*~*~*

She done cut me off from a good good love
She told me that those days were gone
Now I'm sitting here going half crazy

I know she still thinks about me too
There ain’t no way in hell, that I can be just friends with you

I wish we never did it
I wish we never loved it
I wish I never felt so deep in love with you and now ain't no way we can be friends.

The way it felt, no faking it
Maybe we were moving just a little too fast

What we've done we can’t take it back
Now I’m sitting here half way crazy

Ain't no telling’ what we could have been,
Ain't telling what we could've been
If I knew it would end like this
I never would have kissed ya, 'cause I fell in love with ya
We never would've kicked it, 'cause now everything's different
I lost my only lover and my friend that's why I wished we never did it

...:: Monday Moxie ~ Reverse Psychology ::...

Ask whether you can do something and your mind produces a list of pros and cons. Ask how you can do something and your mind comes up with all the ways to do it. Which is going to move you forward?

~ John Williams

When Do Emotions Become TMI?

Just wondering...

At what point, if ever, are you totally comfortable allowing the full expression of your emotions (the ups, downs and lulls) to flow when have "love" for a friend of the opposite sex but are not in a relationship? Does it depend on the person? Your own comfort level with expressing emotions? Do you refrain thinking it could tarnish the person's impression of you to expose the nitty gritty?

Talk to me....
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...:: Monday Moxie ~ Consequences ::...

We avoid the things that we're afraid of because we think there will be dire consequences if we confront them. But the truly dire consequences in our lives come from avoiding things that we need to learn about or discover.

~ Shakti Gawain

200 Posts & 7 Links

Photo credit: Mike Licht

I thought Problogger's 7 Links challenge would be a good way to celebrate my 200th post. I never expected blogging to connect me with so many great people, many of you have given me insight and inspiration over the years and I'm very thankful and blessed!

1. Your first post
Why TCGC?
This makes me laugh because I didn't know what the heck to post but wanted to give this blogging thing a try. At the time I didn't fully understand the point of blogging and had all the typical questions and doubts a newbie has. Who will read it? What will I write about? And so on.

2. A post you enjoyed writing the most
Therapy's In Session ~ Why not me?
A brain dump on the attributes I think distinguishes me from the average chica.

3. A post which had a great discussion

Put a Ring on It, Dammit!
The title says it all.

4. A post on someone else’s blog that you wish you’d written

There have been quite a few, but it's actually the Sagacious Girl's vlogs that have been a source of wisdom, reflection and inspiration.I don't see me traveling the vlog route but you never know.

5. A post with a title that you are proud of
There's not one in particular, but I do find that I often have to remind myself to avoid having a hardened heart, and Unchain That Heart of Yours discusses examples of the numerous reasons why.

6. A post that you wish more people had read

Confessions of a Dreamgirl ~ Being True to Thyself

7. Your most visited post ever

I'm not 100% sure, but I think the most recent post with the most traffic was Why I’ve Chosen Not To Give A Damn About Interracial Relationships.

I have plenty to discuss and share in the year to come. I appreciate each of you!

The Waiting Room

Photo credit: lambertwm

I’m amazed how downright stubborn I can be. At times this can be a challenge, but lately I’m finding it useful. Specifically when it involves what I desire for my life, how something aligns with my intentions and whether the risk is worth the reward. This doesn't diminish my capacity to be understanding, caring or loving. It actually serves a purpose, one that acts as a buffer for weeding out what's not in my best interest.

Hindsight can be a bitch especially when you realize there were times you overlooked the obvious in hopes of everything aligning perfectly and never even causing you to look back in the first place. My patience has been continually tested and my heart's empty light has been lit a fiery red for countless months, yet it just reinforces the fact that I’m resilient even when faced with less than ideal circumstances.

I’ve learned to do without love for so long that any inkling of less than one's full effort mixed with ambiguity is a quick left to an emotional pit stop. This isn't such a bad thing because it allows me to see the whole picture, but it can be draining and disappointing. Truth is, I’m too old to compromise on some things and if it means doing without for a little while longer then it's something I'll do.

..:: Monday Moxie ~ Living Out Loud ::..

Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them, disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They invent. They imagine. They heal. They explore. They create. They inspire. They push the human race  forward. Maybe they have to be crazy. How else can you stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art? Or sit in silence and hear a song that's never been written? Or gaze at a red planet and see a laboratory on wheels? We make tools for these kinds of people. While some see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.

~ Steve Jobs

With This Ring I Thee....Buy Divorce Insurance?

"Divorce Insurance protection can be purchased on behalf of other immediate family members (or employees) without any increase in cost."

Get outta here! Now, this is what I consider a good investment. I can think of a few couples who would've put me in a higher tax bracket had this been available a few years ago.

Seriously, undoubtedly there are quite a few reasons to insure against life's unexpected events. As much as we complain about the cost vs. benefit of other types of insurance, we know death is inevitable and maintaining good health is vital so these safeguards are no-brainers. However... I'm having a hard time thinking of a good reason any couple should start their happily ever after by running to buy divorce insurance as soon as the last meatball is served at the wedding reception. Seems like yet another way folks make millions off of pessimism, fear and insecurity.

I know people who've gone the quickie "leave with what you came with" route. The least messy of all, but usually the most amicable option.

And, the "I should've listened to my friends, they knew it wouldn't work, but let's drag this out because I hate your guts and you owe me!" route. Very messy indeed. This taught me there can be four (or more) sides to each divorce battle -- his, hers, the lover's and the ugly truth. These real-life dramas bring out the worst in people and open your eyes to a lot of unsavory things, such as deceit and character flaws. No one really wins, but they'll go to any length to try to.

We certainly can't leave out the "I want to be a millionaire, just without you" scenario where one party makes substantially more than the other and ends up fighting tooth and nail to keep what they entered the relationship with.

There's no doubt divorce can be extremely expensive, that's not why I'm leery. It's the thought that anyone who enters a marriage does so with anything less than the intent to be together until death that's a red flag to me. As one who sees the benefit of a prenup in some circumstances, maybe this insurance isn't such a crazy idea or that much different. Perhaps the argument for the "protection" of divorce insurance is pretty cut-and-dried, I just don't see it.

What does the fam think?