Monday Moxie ~ Cultivating of the Relational Kind

Cultivate relationships with those who can teach you. Let friendly intercourse [communication] be a school of knowledge, and let culture be taught through conversation. Thus you make your friends your teachers and mingle the pleasures of conversation with the advantages of instruction. Sensible people enjoy alternating pleasures: you are rewarded with applause for what you say and you gain instruction from what you hear. We are always attracted to others by our own interest, but in this case it is of a higher kind. Wise people frequent the houses of great nobility as theaters of heroism not temples of vanity.

The Art of Worldly Wisdom
~ Baltasar Gracián
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What do you think, fam?
Do you see any value in this approach to life lessons?

Monday Moxie ~ The Shining

"I was once told that a star in the night sky could have died out long ago but since the light it generated takes years to travel to the earth, we see the star as if it is still there. In short, the star may be dead but its light goes on forever. We too are light and energy. While we live, we generate - through our actions, service, and love - our own glow. Some of us burn brightly; through our passion, deeds, goodness and love, we enlighten the world of others. Some of us play small, dimming our truth through fear, negativity, cynicism or apathy. This world needs our brilliance now for there is far too much darkness - it yearns for us to ignite our being in both small acts and spectacular displays. And when we are eventually gone, if we have been determined in our way, like the stars afar, the light of our lives will continue, it will go on forever, illuminating and inspiring generations to come. (For my ancestors of blood and spirit, I may not even know all your names but I walk in your light.)"

~ Newark Mayor Cory Booker

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Mayor Booker's assertion that we all walk in the light put forth by those who've paved the way for us, whether blood related or not, really spoke to me. I've been researching my genealogy over the past few months. It began without any real intention because I doubted there would be much beyond what I already knew. For years I didn't think I wouldn't be able to patch together some pieces of my paternal ancestry. My dad didn't talk much about some members of his family due to a misunderstanding years before I was even a thought in my parent's minds. Depending on who I'd ask about, he'd either give a tad bit of info or get irritated and change the subject. I didn't prod much and just accepted it for what it was in abstract terms -- empty branches on that side of the family tree.

Much to my surprise, so far I've found a plethora of information dating back to 1830. One relative after another, almost as if they were yelling "hey, what took you so long to find us!" Initially, it touched my heart to just to see the names and birth dates. I recall some of the names being mentioned by other family members, but seeing the info in black and white helped me gain a clearer understanding of the relationships on a basic level. Why my dad chose to estrange himself from some members of his family is a long story. It was a deeply personal choice that I think he may have regretted to some degree later in life, but was too stubborn to admit. Despite this, uncovering these connections has allowed those branches to flourish and paint a rich history. Happily, their light shines on :-)!

Twenty Eleven

Truth be told, by the time February rolls around, any resolutions I've made are long forgotten. I know that very few will be realized no matter how good the intention. While I fully expected 2011 to be a milestone year of fire and new things, it ended up being one full of eye-openers and confirmation of some things I already knew to be true but needed the proverbial nail the coffin situation to seal. Going forward I'll do a short year in review instead. Out with stale thinking, people and situations.

• Although it's extremely ridiculous, even at 40+ you have to teach some people how to treat you.
• An insecure and empty person will often project their shortcomings towards you. Sadly, they may not realize it, but I don't think it's always your responsibility to point it out. You have the choice to eliminate that type of nonsense from your life...
• Always choose substance and character over the physical.
• I never realized the significance of the [overused] quip "get a life!". Some folks really do need to get a life in order to stay out of your business and see how much they've tried to control others. 
• This has to be said in alllll caps...
  
  I WILL NEVER…EVER, EVER….IGNORE MY INTUITION AGAIN. PEOPLE DO SOME LOW DOWN, WAY DOWN LOW THINGS.
  
  I saw it coming, even dreamed about it twice…what more does it take to realize you’re making the wrong judgment call?
• I'm pleased that I've made several new friends who keep me laughing and viewing life from a variety of perspectives.
• Don't sweat the small things...or small people.
• No matter how many male friends, boyfriends, etc. you've had, you always remember those who are true gentlemen. Recently reconnecting with an old friend reminded me that some people simply reside in your heart forever.
• "Closure" is some bullshiggity, you don't need it to move on with your life. Simply...make...the...decision...and...stick...to...it...
• We have control over very few things in our lifetime, spend time on people and things that really matter.

Any given year is as happy as you make it. I wish you the best year yet!

Monday Moxie ~ Stir Up the Gift

You can choose to recognize, and act on, your vast inner wealth in this very moment. What would happen if you did?
~ Nona Jordan

Growing up, my dad would often say that I needed to focus on my tasks at hand because I was essentially playing around while everyone passed me by. That was his perception, I never gave it much thought until recently. Yep, I was the girl who'd rather do fun things, laugh, dance...anything but work on stuff that required me to sit down and essentially waste/b.s. with my time. I managed to get decent grades, etc. but perhaps he saw something in me that I didn't or couldn't at the time. Maybe he was partially correct.

When I read Nona's status update it seemed like a response to a conversation I had the day before with one of my besties. Immediately after reading it I had one of those lightbulb moments that sting a little but serve a purpose. While I'm successful in my own right, I know that my ultimate goals and lifestyle are on injured reserve. How is it that many of my peers and friends I've helped over the years have accomplished the goals and dreams they imagined for their lives? Visions that I co-signed, funded through encouragement and watched grow. Yet....I've started countless projects that slid into the pile of blah due to lack of interest, etc. In my case, it's largely due to not using what I know to be my strengths as a means of creating the life I desire. Yep, the onus is on me, no room for finger pointing or whining.

Given what I know now, I believe it's imperative to take time to be selfish in a way that benefits your best interests. Don't wait for the "right" time, generally, there is none. Don't fall into the mode of "as soon as" because life rarely aligns as planned. Even if for only a short time, find that innate sparkling nugget of clarity and inspiration each of us have. Every dream should be considered a viable option, especially those that challenge you to throw aside the fluffy blanket of comfort. Consider taking the time and effort to identify the strengths and talents that are beckoning for recognition and nurturing.

Your turn...how will your life change if you act on what Nona suggested?

Got Boobies?

{ source }

The title is a tad bit titillating <insert eye roll>, but this is a serious post. Needless to say we all have breasts and this is just my story, one I hope will help someone.

Journeying back some 10 years ago, the 2001-2003 timeframe was one of the stormiest periods of my life. Inside of a couple years, I made quite a few major life strides, but was also set back a few notches through the loss of my mom. She passed in February 2002 and I was still in transition by the time 2003 rolled around. My gynecologist discovered a breast lump during an annual exam that summer. This news not only emphasized the fact that my rock was no longer a phone call away, but that I didn't have the comfort and benefit of hearing her consistently encouraging and positive outlook on life. I knew then I would have to manage this one on my own. Talk about a dark, lonesome period of life. Unless something is really bothering me I deal with it and try not to dump unpleasant news on others. During this time, I also realized that unless you’ve experienced a similar situation it’s hard to relate, explain or even empathize.

Back to the main point...

In the summer of 2003, one of the most skilled breast surgeons in the area removed the fibroadenoma (a common non-cancerous tumor) and everything was fine.

The doctor suggested I have an annual mammogram to keep an eye on it, but I haven't…

This past January a slightly painful inflammation popped up, but it went away quickly so I wasn’t too alarmed and presumed it was “just a cyst”. I mentioned it to my doc and by the time she checked there was enough there to prompt her to give me a mammogram referral to rule out anything abnormal. Fast forward eleven months...winter blizzard, hot as hell summer...and I still hadn’t scheduled the appointment. I asked my sis if she would schedule hers on the same day, I knew that would keep me from delaying this further. Why wait so long? Honestly, I’m not worried or scared so I’m not exactly sure. We had our mammos last week and I also had a sonogram. The radiologist called me into tell and show me a lump that's present...again. I wonder if he thought it was strange that I wasn't stressed and basically had an "oh, that again" reaction. I'm scheduled to have it biopsied in mid-December and expect the same results as last time.

It took me a couple days to finish this post. Not because writing this would stir up unpleasant memories, but because I sincerely want to be an effective advocate for preventive health care. To reach those who have minimal experience with the system and all the cogs that make it work (or in many cases, fail to work) in a straightforward manner. Many of you have not reached the wonderful gateway to 40, neither had I when this happened the first time which emphasizes the importance of having an annual preventive care exam. In my case, if not for the standard clinical breast exam neither of the lumps would have been found as early as they were.

So after all of this background info, my main point to remind and encourage everyone to familiarize yourselves with and stick to the recommended preventive exam guidelines. If for nothing more than your peace of mind.

Just a few parting thoughts...

Ladies, get to know your breasts and body in general. Self exams only take a few minutes and help familiarize yourself with what's normal for you. Heck make it a team effort and ask your spouse/significant other to assist you *wink*. Make a mental note of any changes (no matter how slight) and mention it during your annual well woman exam. Believe me, it's better to know if something is going on rather than wait. The current clinical guidelines related to the age to begin and frequency of routine mammograms are being debated, but as with all personal health matters please consult your physician.

Guys, you’re not off the hook. Your preventive care exams are equally important.

Wishing you the best of health!

Resources

• For clinical-based information on all things gynecology-related, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists' website is a good resource.
• If you are uninsured or under-insured, check out your local community health center for quality low-cost or free health services.

And, of course, the obligatory disclaimer -- This information is not intended to replace the advice of a doctor.

Monday Moxie ~ Fortify Your Dwelling With Determination

{ Art by Frank Morrison }

Be there. Go there now and never leave. Imagine that your dreams have already come true. Live your life from that mindset. Predicate your behavior on that reality, not the illusions that now surround you. Filter every thought, question, and answer from there. Let your focus shift and be born again - because dwelling from, not upon, the space you want to inherit is the fastest way to change absolutely everything. See the difference?

~ Mike Dooley

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CG Side Note:
Believe it or not, in my late teens/early 20s I accomplished a great deal living with this perspective ingrained in me. I didn't even know of this concept at the time. It was effortless to target a goal and feed it with passion, confidence and conviction. Voila! In no time a dream, thought or goal became reality. Much of this was the result of being raised by parents who not only believed in me, but who genuinely desired for me to live a life free of limitations. My determination was not clouded by overbearing expectations nor regrets of lost time and unrealized dreams selfishly cast upon me. Over time I lost focus and allowed doubt and other distractions to creep in and hamper me. I'm back on the road so all is not lost, but I want to encourage anyone who's in a period of stagnation to give yourself the space and time to regroup and recoup.

When you look in the mirror take time to imagine the person you want to become. S/he lives already resides within you and just needs permission to make an appearance :-).

Have a great week, fam!

Monday Moxie ~ Show & Tell Through Authenticity

“One’s authentic self will always reveal itself,
despite the layers of masks he/she may wear.”

• Do your behaviors/actions align with your words? It is quite easy to use words to paint a picture to the world as to who you are (or in some cases who you want to be); but does your behavior support your verbal depiction?
  


• Do you say you are honest, but you do not honor your intuition by telling your truth, even if it may be uncomfortable for the recipient?


• Do you say you are responsible, although you do not take responsibility for your behavior and/or words?


• Do you say you are a person of integrity, yet gossip about others?


• Do you say you are ‘blessed and highly favored’ but live in constant fear and worry about things?


• Do you say you cherish your relationship/significant other, yet you are disrespectful, rude, inconsiderate, etc towards him/her?


• Do you say your friendships are important to you, but you neglect them (lack of cultivation)?

If the words and behaviors of someone are not aligned always default to their behavior; or in the words of Maya Angelou (with adaptation by Oprah), “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”

Many thanks to Misha of Love Grows: The Relationship Consultants
for sharing these (and many more) seeds of thought and wisdom!

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CG Side Note: This entire post hit home with me for a number of reasons, but I highlighted the words above in particular because this has been my year to heed this lesson. Not only do people show, if you listen closely they often tell you before you even get to a point of having to decide whether it's worth the effort. It's up to you to actually listen and proceed with caution or learn the lesson the hard way, but always try to ensure YOU words and deeds are authentic.

Call Me A Liar

deceit so deeply planted it manifests in truth

gripping to a life that in no way mirrors its roots

falsely appeared to be on a path to a higher groove

call me a liar for seeking a deeper you

hand grasping hand, down for the core fight

crumbled with an entwining on that indigo clouded night

ardor injected from heart to lips yet had it spit back so cold

call me a liar despite the truths I told

accept who you really are, your esteem shouldn’t be a mystique

repeating the same tired letdowns to whom you care not reach

returning it in a spirit of mutual honesty not an option but a must

call me a liar for generously spreading the basis of trust

“keepin’ it moving” and “no love lost” is trendy shit to say

when the sun caresses the twilight sky your unfulfilled dreams are on full display

framed in a life where inadequacy reigns beneath a fortified façade

call me liar for finding humor in how false declarations of “doin’ you” receive the applause

embracing your true character is a feat you’re not ready for

displayed as acrid remnants of friendship left behind on ego’s false bottom floor

quiet confidant to contemplations of a few 

call me a liar for revealing your life doesn’t mirror your own advice nor its supposed views

conveying burdens of past mistakes onto the backs of the blameless 

in moments of hazy optimism and alliance 

casually practicing on hearts and minds heavily returned tenfold 

call me a liar when a soul is left dead...void…forlorn…deservingly cold