Put A Ring On It, Dammit!

Men...married men specifically, could you do me a favor? This will only take a sec. Lift your left hand and tell me what you see. I'll wait....

If your ring finger is as bare as the day you were born, I have a simple request...put a friggin' ring on it! I know it's a personal choice and all, but I think it serves a purpose. Among these are publicly acknowledging your commitment  to your spouse and eliminating false advertising. Believe me, you know at least one person who goes ring-less to be able to enjoy the benefits of single life, if only for one night...or convention. Not that a ring is some sort of super shield against infidelity, but at least it serves as a deterrent to women with scruples.

"A man never wore a wedding ring prior to the Second World War. At that time, it became customary for soldiers serving overseas to wear a wedding band to remind them of home, and their commitment to their wives and families."

 Source: Men's wedding rings - should a man wear one or not?   

You know how I feel about blanket statements, so clearly this does not apply to all men. Not all married men who choose not to wear a ring do so with any ulterior motive in mind. Perhaps I'm making a big deal out of nothing, what do you think?

~~~~~

Interesting article on the subject ~ The Meaning of a Naked Finger: When married men don’t wear a wedding ring, what message are they sending?

Ushering In Fall

  

Fall is the time to let what is done be done,
to let go of what no longer serves you.

Sift through the bits and pieces of your life:
Commitments, roles, shoulds, projects, belongings…
like you would a beloved jewelry box
hold each piece up to the light.

Broken, tarnished, out-of-fashion, snarled in knots
these are not your requirements;
Instead, ask: Does this still serve my well-being?
May you be brave enough to allow the answers to surprise you.

~ Author Unknown

Monday Motivation ~ You're In Good Hands

The will of God will never take you where the 

Grace of God will not protect you.

Let's do something outside the box this week, no matter how seemingly small.

Make it a fun-filled, productive week, fam!

The Ugly Mask of Deceit

Deception is a cruel act... It often has many players on

different stages that corrode the soul.

~ Donna A. Favors

Sometimes deception plays out like a Lifetime movie, including all the drama and extreme circumstances that ultimately lead to the erosion of a relationship. I'm not even talking about romantic relationships, let's just think about ordinary connections such as those of a familial or friendly nature.

How does one recover, if at all, from such an offense? Well, a few years ago my response would have been to pay them back by any means necessary.  However, I now realize the importance of taking the high road. Talk about difficult! It always ends up in your favor when you do. It may not be the next day, week or year but what comes around undoubtedly goes around. That's not to say you shouldn't be angered by such an occurrence, but to rest assured that any backlash is not worth the time or effort.

I'm amazed how the whole farce develops over time. The energy it must take to keep the story straight, dodge the possibility of lies being uncovered and the inevitability of a slip-up. Some go on for years, creating a level of security for the deceiver to continue weaving a web of lies.

There's also an aspect of seeming slick deflection involved. Isn't it funny how a lie comes to light and it's apparent the one thing the fibber was critical about in others is the very thing they were engaged in? You name it...adultery, fraud, the list goes on.

I now realize sometimes we unintentionally reveal deep-seated emotions and personal struggles simply by open our mouths. Sure, being transparent and candid is important but I'm talking about things people harp on for no apparent reason. That's why I pay attention to the things some folks criticize others for, it opens a window to quite a few interesting tidbits.

I'll end this by suggesting that less talking and more observation opens your eyes to a whole new level of understanding and insight.

With love,
CG

Thoughts on Tending Your Garden

I tend to think it's extremely easy to get "comfortable" in a relationship and lose sight of the seemingly little things as the months and years go by. Dr. Gary Chapman, author of several practical and insightful books on building and nurturing relationships, including The Five Love Languages, shared the tips below via his email newsletter.

These are not limited to married couples, in my opinion, so I wanted to share them with the fam. Let me know what you think, anything to add to the list?

Helping Your Husband Grow

Wives can't change their husbands, but wives can and do have a tremendous influence on their husbands. How can you make that influence positive?

1. Men respond positively to praise. One of the most common complaints men make in my office is: "Dr. Chapman, in my work I am respected. People come to me for advice. But at home, all I get is criticism." What she considers suggestions, he reads as criticism. Her efforts to stimulate growth have backfired.

Give him praise. The fastest way to influence a husband is to give him praise. Praise him for effort, not perfection. You may be asking, But if I praise him for mediocrity, will it not stifle growth? The answer is a resounding "No". Your praise urges him on to greater accomplishments.

My challenge is to look for things your husband is doing right and praise him. Praise him in private, praise him in front of the children, praise him in front of your parents and his parents, praise him in front of his peers. Then stand back and watch him go for the gold.

2. Requests are more productive than demands. None of us like to be controlled, and demands are efforts at controlling. "If you don't mow the grass this afternoon, then I'm going to mow it." I wouldn't make that demand unless you want to be the permanent lawn mower. It is far more effective to say, "Do you know what would really make me happy?" Wait until he asks, "What?" Then say, "If you could find time this afternoon to mow the grass. You always do such a great job."

Let me illustrate by applying the principle to you. How do you feel when your husband says "I haven't had an apple pie since the baby was born. I don't guess I'm going to get any more apple pies for eighteen years"? Now, doesn't that motivate you? But what if he says, "You know what I'd really like to have? One of your apple pies. You make the best apple pies in the world. Sometime when you get a chance, I'd really love one of your apple pies. Chances are he'll have an apple pie before the week is over. Requests are more productive than demands.

3. Love is a two way street. If a wife wants to enhance her husband's ability to give her emotional love, perhaps her greatest influence will be in loving him. In my book, The Five Love Languages, I talk about the importance of discovering your husband's primary love language - the thing that really makes him feel loved: words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, physical touch, or acts of service. Once you discover it, pour it on. Husbands are drawn to wives who are meeting their emotional need for love.

Can you do it, even if he is not loving you. God did. He loved us when we were unlovely. But that's God. I'm me. I know, but you are God's child and He can empower you to love an unlovely spouse. I've seen it many times. A wife chooses to speak her husband's love language, even though she doesn't feel loved by him. He warms up and in time begins expressing her love language. Can emotional love be re-born in a marriage? You bet. But someone must begin the process. Why not you?

4. Defensiveness reveals the inner self. A wife says, "Why does my husband get so defensive? All I have to do is mention that the grass needs mowing and he goes ballistic."

This husband is revealing his self-esteem hot spot. Some experience in his past has tied his sense of self worth to mowing the grass. Your mention of the grass translates "She thinks I'm not doing my job. I work like crazy, and now she is on my case about the grass." He sees it as a negative statement about his worth.

I know you didn't mean it that way. That's why I suggesting you observe his defensiveness, so that you can learn what is going on inside of him. We don't know these emotional hot spots until we touch one. It would be a good idea to make a list of all your husband's defensive reactions. Note what you said and did and how he responded. This insight will help you discover another way to discuss the topic that will be less threatening to his self-esteem.

Both husbands and wives hold a tremendous influence on their spouse. However, it is up to you whether your influence is positive.

Adapted from The Family You've Always Wanted by Dr. Gary Chapman. To find out more about Dr. Chapman's resources, visit www.fivelovelanguages.com.

© 2009 Moody Publishers